I hesitate to write about this but I have been thinking about this for weeks so here goes. It seems like when I am involved in coorporate worship(church) I do a horrible job of staying focused. This frustrates me greatly because for a long time coorporate worship was just pure joy and now it is not. I don't think this is a part of getting older. I have been intentional about this for weeks but I have seen little change. I love to worship in car or home but for some reason I have just really struggled coorporately.
I confess that my critical side wants to look for exterior reasons. I will say I feel the worship guy at my church is too much of a cheerleader and not worship leader. His commands are never to calm my heart and mind but to sing out and clap louder. He comes across really....happy. But to put any blame on him is a cop out. If my God is so big then how come one guy keeps me from seeing him? I realized a while ago it was because during worship I was too focused on the worship leader and not the worship object.
At my church we lead off with worship(probably yours too) but I wonder if there is a reason so. Has church just always been like this? Personally I feel like hearing the Word preached always increases my desire to worship. Is vice-versa true? Does worshipping God increase my desire or soften my heart for preaching of the Word? I guess I don't seem to notice as much. It seems like worship is much more active and participatory then shouldn't it wait for primetime? I know those are just my feelings though and surely some disagree. I know there are many practical reasons why church exists in the current order. People who are late just miss a song and not some of the sermon. You can have kids in for worship and release them afterwards for some sunday school.
If any of my readers have had similiar struggles please let me know. I would appreciate any input on the matter. I know at the core this is a heart issue and a frustrating one. But I know I am not alone in this and would appreciate feedback.
Closing Story: This summer I have had the chance to meet a number of people who just graduated high school and are headed to college. Spending time with some of them has been a great encouragement to me as well as enjoyable. But when talking to Paul I teased him about the "Freshman 15" and his response........"I cannot wait to put on 15 pounds! I've been trying to gain weight throughout high school and I cannot do it!" To be young again..........